Is this the mystical penis of Russian holy man Rasputin?
Grigori Rasputin, the “Mad Monk” who served the Russian Romanov family and indulged in legendary debauchery, was rumored to be pretty stellar in bed. So much so, in fact, that one woman claimed to have had such an intense orgasm that she fainted. According to the 1978 song by euro disco group Boney M, obviously a trusted source of historical accuracy, Rasputin was “Russia’s greatest love machine.” It is only natural, then, that after he was allegedly poisoned, beaten, shot, and drowned on December 30th, 1916, his infamous instrument of love would linger on.
The first phallic object believed to be Rasputin’s penis turned out to be a sea cucumber. The second one, a 12-inch pickled phallus on display at the Museum of Erotica in St. Petersburg, Russia is, according to its owner Dr. Igor Knyazkin, the true mythical member of Rasputin. This one, like the well-endowed echinoderm before it, is said to have magical properties – such as the ability to cure impotence just by looking at it.
But is it really Rasputin’s penis?
According to rumor, Rasputin’s johnson (cut me some slack, it’s hard finding different words for the male sex organ without sounding like cheap paperback erotica) had developed it’s own cult following.
It is said that in the 1920s, Rasputin’s daughter Maria (then a circus performer who later tamed lions with the Hagenbeck-Wallace Circus) discovered a group of women in Paris had been venerating her father’s penis. They believed it could bestow fertility, and even gave small pieces of it to those in need.
“And then there is the business of Rasputin’s member, supposedly cut off by [Prince Felix] Yusupov and then gathered up and saved by one of Yusupov’s servants, a secret follower of the starets,” Douglas Smith writes in Rasputin: Faith, Power, and the Twilight of the Romanovs. “Sometime later, according to this bizarre tale, the severed penis ended up in Paris where a few of his surviving votaries kept it preserved in an icebox, taking it out only for their strange sacred rites. From there, after further adventures, it made its way to the collection of Russia’s first museum of erotica in Petersburg, a hideous hunk of graying flesh suspended in a jar of formaldehyde.”
Dr. Knyazkin says he bought the penis in a wooden casket from two French antique dealers in 2000 for $8,000. According to them, the organ was cut off and taken to France by a fanatical follower. When Maria discovered it, she took possession of it. But when she needed money in the 1970s, she supposedly sold it.
As Smith notes, however, according to 1917 accounts by Dmitry Kosorotov, who performed the autopsy on Rasputin after his badly mutilated body was dragged out of the Malaya Nevka River, Rasputin’s genitals were intact and undamaged.
“I am 99 per cent sure it is real,” Knyazkin told the media.
Rasputin expert Eduard Radzinsky wasn’t so sure.
“Stories about Rasputin’s penis started almost immediately after his death,” Radzinsky said. “They are all myths and legends.”
NOTE: This post is dedicated to Barbara, who longs for the days when Cult of Weird was actually “weird” and featured things like penises in jars.
Cat filter blunder turns conference in to a farce
Image Credit: Facebook
The filter made the conference difficult to take seriously.
A Pakistani minister was left red-faced after a cat filter was accidentally enabled on his Facebook livestream.
Journalist Shaukat Yousafzai – who had previously served as regional health minister as well as an adviser to Pakistan’s prime minister, Imran Khan – was giving a briefing to reporters about a serious political matter when the incident happened.
Somehow one of his team members had managed to inadvertently enable the cat filter on the livestream, meaning that the broadcast showed Yousafzai with a pair of cartoon pointy ears superimposed on to his head along with a set of whiskers and a pointy nose.
The humorous blunder ended up going viral and left social media sites awash with feline puns.
Yousafzai later commented on the incident by noting that two officials sitting next to him had also been ‘altered’ by the cat filter. He blamed ‘human error’ by one of his team’s ‘hard-working volunteers.’
Whether the individual responsible is still part of his team however remains unclear.
Source: The Guardian
The Karlmann King is a $2 million enormous ultra-luxury SUV built upon a Ford F-550
Hey, rich idiots! Do you secretly crave the lumbering, workhorse-like driving style of a Ford F-550 Super Duty, but don’t ever want to do any actual work, and really want to let everyone around you know what a colossal, pampered dipshit you are without even having to open your vape-smoke and Cristal-filled mouth?
My fine dipshits, are you ever in luck: for only $2.2 million dollars you can have it all, if by “all” we’re talking about the ugly, hulking mountain of overpriced trash-garbage that is the Karlmann King.
This auto show is the debut of this massive SUV made from, it seems, the finest pureéd wealthy jackass, pressed via advanced manufacturing techniques into body panels that simultaneously evoke an artistic chimp’s drawing of a stealth tank, if that existed, and a tanned heir to some pharma fortune passed out on a chaise lounge with a healthy amount cocaine rimming his nostrils.
The Karlmann King website describes this abomination in predictably wacky English, saying:
“Exceptional, treasure in collection. Diamond cuttings, inspiration from falcon. Exclusive customization, every Karlmann is the unique one in the world. Karlmann, designed by a team consisting of over 1800 people, produced by a world top-level custom vehicle manufacturer from Europe, aiming to provide an exquisite collection to the world.”
Inspiration from falcon? What falcon? The kind of falcon that got caught inside a boulder made of 10,000 pounds of the very idea that wealth turns people into shit? Fuck off.
Look at the front end of this thing. It’s like the designers wanted to answer the question of what if angry, fascist chipmunks possessed highly advanced military technology that allowed them to build massive war mechs in their own image.
Here’s the brochure for the Karlmann King, which makes pretty clear the target demographic they’re going for:
Incredibly, for all of the bulk of this brute, it only seats four money-gorged morons. The rear is taken up by two massive alligator-leather slathered La-Z-Boy recliners, with a sort of glossy dance floor area in front of them that I guess will end up being spattered in cocaine, Ketel One, and vomit.
Here’s the area in front of the seats, complete with gold champagne flutes and a coffee cabinet and metric tons of deep-seated insecurity:
It also has a 45-inch screen and a (soon to be outdated) Playstation 4 and those seats are massage seats and, oh, who the fuck cares. This thing is awful.
Oh, and in case you’re thinking that I’m being a little harsh, and maybe this just isn’t my taste because I’m some miserable plebe who can’t appreciate real quality when it comes up and bites him in the ass with gold-and-Swarovski-crystal teeth, let me show you this detail:
It’s not even raining or humid here, and this big stupid foglamp already has more condensation in it than the door to a hotel shower. They want people to pay two million dollars for this hunk of shit.
Also, check out the finish on the edge of this running board/shin destroyer:
Nice job, fuckups.
This thing weighs either 9,920 pounds or 13,320 pounds if you bulletproof it, which you should, because this thing will make anyone at least consider putting some bullets in you, and uses Ford’s 6.8-liter V10 that makes 398 horsepower. That combination will get you to a top speed of 87 MPH, which means this obsidian shitbox going flat out can be passed by a Yugo.
Look, if you’re the sort of person who has over two million dollars to spend on a car, and you spend it on this car, then I think you should seriously consider that maybe you’re not qualified to own and spend money for goods or services.
This thing is terrible. Ford should ban this company from using their honest, hardworking truck chassis as the basis of this pile. I hope there’s some humane act of regicide in the future for the Karlmann King.
Alabama Passes Law to Chemically Castrate Pedophiles
In the state of Alabama, certain types of sex offenders like pedophiles will now be chemically castrated by law before they are given parole. The legislation was signed into law by Alabama’s governor Kay Ivey, and will apply to all sex offenders who are convicted of crimes against children younger than 13.
For these offenders, chemicals will be used that will reduce their libido, and hopefully the likelihood of them repeating their crimes. Critics of the bill said that it was unconstitutional, claiming that it violates a person’s right to freedom from “cruel and unusual punishment.”
Attorney Raymond Johnson says the point of contention is the fact that this is happening once people have already paid their debt to society.
“They’re going to challenge it under the 8th Amendment Constitution. They’re going to claim that it is cruel and unusual punishment for someone who has served their time and for the rest of their life have to be castrated,” Johnson said.
The bill was initially introduced by Republican congressman Steve Hurst, who recently told CBS42 that the punishment fits the crime.
“I had people call me in the past when I introduced it and said don’t you think this is inhumane? I asked them what’s more inhumane than when you take a little infant child, and you sexually molest that infant child when the child cannot defend themselves or get away, and they have to go through all the things they have to go through. If you want to talk about inhumane – that’s inhumane. If we do something of this nature it would deter something like this happening again in Alabama and maybe reduce the numbers,” Hurst said.
This is a practice that is actually not legal throughout most of the United States. There are only 8 states that currently allow chemical or surgical castration for extreme sex offenders, but even in these states, it is rarely ever actually used. Under Alabama’s new laws, this would be happening to every prisoner that fit the criteria, by law.
In 1996, California became the first state to pass a law allowing for chemical castration of certain sex offenders. In the years that followed, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Montana, Oregon, and Washington also passed similar laws.
However, as previously mentioned, the guidelines in most of these states are very loose, and this type of measure is rarely enforced, even in cases of crimes against children.
Chemical castration is an extreme measure for a modern industrialized society, but there are some cases where it could be plausible, according to experts. Earlier this week, we reported on the story of a disturbed man from the United Kingdom who avoided jail time after his third time getting caught with large stashes of child abuse images and videos.
The 36-year-old man was arrested with over a million illegal files on his home devices, which depicted graphic scenes of child sexual abuse. For over a decade, this man has been in and out of courthouses, repeating the same crimes over and over again.
This case is slightly different because the suspect only had images and videos, and because there was not a specific underage victim involved.
However, the drive to repeat the same crime over and over again is very similar among these types of predators. In cases where a predator has many underage victims and repeated offenses, a punishment like this is not unreasonable.
Alabama’s governor Kay Ivey has been in the national media spotlight for past several months, due to another piece of controversial legislation in the state. This May, Kay Ivey found herself at the center of a national debate on abortion, after signing one of the most restrictive abortion laws in the country.
The legislation, called House Bill 314, “Human Life Protection Act,” bans all abortions in the state except when “abortion is necessary in order to prevent a serious health risk” to the woman. The bill will reclassify abortion as a Class A felony, which will be punishable by up to 99 years in prison for doctors who carry out the procedure.
However, the 74-year-old governor shocked her constituents this week, by signing a bill that legalized medical marijuana in the state. Kay Ivey has been the governor of Alabama for just two years, since 2017.
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