As we begin 2013, here’s DIS Magazinelooking forward to our happy, creepy future:
For humanity, gender bending will extend down generationally, all the way to the unborn. Gender for infants will be predetermined and hormone treatments will become standard treatment for children who reject their pre-natal assignments. Trannies will subsequently grow in numbers and be afforded a great deal of respect—especially transgendered pop stars.
Clearly, the current trend of heterosexual promiscuity will continue to accelerate in direct proportion to the rise in gay monogamy. “Republican sex” (formerly known as “the missionary position”) will become a popular term and it will be considered the most risqué, dirty sex a pervert could ever have.
Animal farming will soon reel from unfathomable scandal and animals will develop severe eating disorders, such as anorexia nervosa and bulimia. Animal obesity will also become a chronic issue. Domesticated family pets will deal with these same emotional eating issues due to the simple truth that these diseases are psychologically contagious and animals are psychic.
Teenage gang violence will transition to the web, where gangs will troll the virtual realm seeking out and causing disorder. Testing in schools will have greater impact and collective data relevance than ever, due to unprecedented attendance: teens will be required to provide a reality-show style confessional at the end of each examination… and they’re going to LOVE IT.
Branching out will become big for corporations, with many moving on to government and unapologetic colonialism. For example, McDonald’s will own an island (and later, in the following decade, become a nation-state). The most impact this will have upon culture in America will be the phenomenon of the “McDonald’s accent” form of English conversational dialect.
Read the rest at DIS Magazine